How to Talk to Your Child About Crisis
by: Rebecca Zeitlin, LCSW and Julia Albores, LCSW-R
On February 24th, the world watched as Russia launched a large-scale invasion of Ukraine, one of its neighboring countries. It has been heartbreaking to witness these events unfold and to see the countless families who are being separated and forced to leave their homes as they attempt to flee this dangerous situation.
New York is home to more than 60,000 Ukrainians. Our Interactive Discovery community includes many Ukrainian and Russian families living in Brooklyn who have family and friends in Ukraine. Our hearts and prayers are with Ukrainian and Russian families, at home and abroad, who are being impacted directly by this devastating humanitarian crisis.
The traumatic images of violence and war that are being broadcast across all media platforms can have a negative impact on our children. As parents, we can feel at a loss for how to talk about the news with our kids, especially when we ourselves may be feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Yet, it is so important that we find a way to create the space for these important conversations. We must find a way to present a balanced picture of the world and our responsibilities in it. This is yet another opportunity to talk with our children about the harm of division and the need for compassion, empathy, and connection. We can let our children know that many thousands of people around the world and many governments are working together to stop the fighting and end the war. Kids need our help to learn to combat hate and division and to move toward connection and understanding. Ultimately, this is what will ground our children during these scary and unpredictable times.
Below are some tips to help you navigate the conversation with your child.
Consider your child’s developmental level. When engaging your child in a conversation about war, be sure to use age-appropriate language and not to overshare information that is too advanced for your child. Oversharing could heighten your child’s anxiety level. It may not be developmentally appropriate to share current events with young children ages 2-7 who are in the preoperational phase of cognitive development.
Find out what your child already knows. Many children are exposed to news and current events without parents' awareness. Given the advancements in technology, many children are being exposed to news daily. Use open-ended questions to determine what your child knows.
Figure out what your intention is before you start the conversation. Some helpful questions to ask yourself include: Are you attempting to create a teachable moment for your child? Are you working to minimize their anxiety? Keep them informed? Teach them your family values? Talk about your own family history? It is important to check in with yourself and determine your intentions before you initiate the conversation.
Keep in mind what this might bring up for you. Have you been experiencing increased anxiety and fear yourself over the past week? If so, it is important to be kind to yourself and make sure that you are ready to have this conversation before taking it on.
During the Conversation:
Create space for a discussion. Once you figure out what your child already knows and what your intentions are, invite your child to explore their feelings when they are ready to do so. Make sure to share factual concrete information with your child and acknowledge their feelings as they come up. Allow your child to talk uninterrupted. Validate that war brings up many feelings for all of us. Be mindful of how your own reactions to the situation might impact your child throughout the course of the conversation.
This conversation can lead to many teachable moments. You can teach your child to spread compassion and avoid discrimination. For example, just because a person is speaking Russian does not mean they support Putin’s regime or just because a person lives in Russia does not mean they support what is happening in Ukraine (Again, it is important to consider their developmental stage during this point of the conversation). This could also be a moment to teach your child about your family values. You can work to develop empathy in your child. You may ask how might other people feel in this situation? Who is President Volodymyr Zelensky and what does it mean to be a leader? How have people demonstrated bravery? What is a conflict and how have you solved a conflict before? You could also engage your child in a conversation about charity and model empathy by giving donations or providing aid to those in need.
Tell and show your child that they are safe. Many of the images shown on the news and social media might leave a child feeling unsafe and vulnerable. As their caregiver, you can reassure their safety. Regarding the Invasion of Ukraine, you can tell them that this is the act of a few misguided individuals, but the greater majority of adults around the world do not support these types of acts and many are actively working to bring peace to this hurting region. Many thousands of people around the world and many governments are working together to stop the fighting and end the war.
Model appropriate emotional responses. Your children are like sponges and are constantly taking in the way that you interact with the world around you. If you are able to address and manage your own negative feelings, they will be able to learn these skills from you.
Reduce Anxiety. If anxiety comes up, help your child to select coping strategies to reduce anxiety, such as engaging them in the activities they enjoy and can benefit from (e.g., arts, music, sports, relaxation exercises, mindfulness meditation, grounding exercises, or yoga).
After The Conversation:
Leave the door open. After having a potentially emotionally charged conversation with your child, it is important to leave the door open. Let your child know that they can come to you and keep in mind that it might take time for them to process what you have shared with them.
Limit Media for Young Children. Reduce the amount of time that you spend watching the news while your children are around. Avoid, if possible, looking at smart devices for the latest news that can cause a strong reaction from you. Children may not say anything, but they are more aware than often we realize. Some of the images on the news and media may be far too advanced for a child to see and can create fear.
Reach out for your own support if needed.
Helpful Resources to Provide Support and Donations:
UNICEF- supports health, nutrition, HIV prevention, education, safe drinking water, sanitation and protection for children caught in the conflict in Ukraine.
Medecins Sans Frontieres /Doctors Without Borders- MSF runs a range of activities in Ukraine working with local volunteers, organizations, health care professionals and authorities to help people travel to health care facilities and access prescribed medications.
Voices of Children- The Ukrainian organization’s Charitable Foundation helps provide psychological and psychosocial support to children affected by the armed conflict, according to its website. Voices of Children’s efforts of support for kids include art therapy, video storytelling, providing mobile psychologists and even individual help for families.
Sunflower of Peace- This nonprofit organization is raising money to prepare first aid medical tactical backpacks for paramedics and doctors on the front line. Each backpack is designed for groups of 5-20 people and includes an array of first aid supplies.
International Committee of the Red Cross- This Switzerland-based organization is aiming to help people affected by the conflict and support the work of the Ukrainian Red Cross.
Save the Children- Save the Children, based in London, helps deliver lifesaving aid to vulnerable children in Ukraine and around the world. According to the website, the organization says it's on the ground in the U.S and other parts of the world “delivering essential humanitarian aid.”
Mental Health Resource Links:
